Caution: Sassy polyamory ahead.

I've been meaning to talk about this for some time... I wanted to do it in the form of a Facebook post but I loathe Facebook and barely log in to see responses unless I'm expecting them.

Still, I'm busy....

Many people around me know my relationship orientation is polyamorous. I'm an open book and will answer most questions about polyamory if it's coming from a place of genuine interest, not to pin point who I may be sleeping with at the time. What frustrates more is that I'm surrounded by people who are forever on soap boxes about how no one does their own research to find out about their identities yet I'm met with that same ignorance

Take your own advice people, google some shit. 

To me, polyamory is a non-monogamous situation in which I don't hold any relationship I have with anyone in a hierarchy. My friends, romantic partners, and family members (the ones I actually fuck with...) all receive the same type of affection and attention from me. That means that should I start seeing someone romantically today, I won't pretend like they're the only person that exists. That also means that going to the movies with my best friend is not a date opposed to going to the movies with someone I'm sexually attracted to. Most people say it's about intention and expectation and I agree. But at the end of the day my intention is to hang out with someone and the expectation is to have a good time no matter what that entails.

Why polyamory?

 I don't believe in limiting myself. Monogamous situations have never worked for me because I'm interested in people. I know that I say I hate people (A LOT) and yes to some degree I do. But, I do get intrigued by people and I want to know them. Why should I feel guilty for wanting to know a person if I'm seeing someone? 'All of your attention should be on one person' has never made any sense to me and I found that I was only hurting those who were interesting in "settling down" with me.

If we are capable of loving family members equally and get pissed when "favoritism" happens, then what's so different about romantic partners?

But I digress. I won't take this opportunity to have a bitch session about hetero mono normativity because we all know I can go there and never come back... I want to take this time to address some of the things I've been hearing from peers.

My best friend, life partner and sorority sister and I are super close. And because we're both queer, everyone automatically assumed "well they're sleeping together obviously because they both like women and there's no way they can keep their lesbian urges under control". The shit hit the fan when she started seeing her partner. And because we're all queer and poly people just clumped us all together in a poly relationship because we have dubbed ourselves a poly family.

We think it's hilarious how everyone assumed that, yet no one's asked or bothered to even be remotely decent about our privacy. We fed into everyone's curiosity and have just started saying yes we are all dating each other because why the hell not? Ask a silly question get a silly answer. But something that I've heard that has been bothering me is this idea that since my best friend and her partner are in a committed poly relationship and I'm not, they are my parents and I'm like they're child.

Let's unpack that... 

First and foremost, I'm older than both of them so that's insane... And by saying that because they're in a relationship and I'm not, somehow there's an immaturity to my character because I'm not in a committed relationship. It's insulting to insinuate because I haven't "found someone" that I'm less evolved. Being in a poly relationship takes just as much, if not more, commitment and dedication than a monogamous relationship. So to have my peers tell me they respect me as a person, value my opinions but turn around and then say that I'm emotionally immature is kind of disheartening.

We all bring something different to our relationship and to say I am the child pretty much means I give them nothing and only receive what they have to offer and give. To be in a poly relationship there's a lot of communication. Not just talking but listening, understanding, processing, learning and unlearning. Most people in a monogamous situation can't communicate a chore wheel yet you want to tell me what I'm incapable of doing with my poly family after you first assumed we were all sleeping together because your shallow mind can't fathom that women who love other women can't be friends without fucking???

I will never understand this obsession with other people's genitals that society has... 

Either way, they are not my poly superiors; I am not inferior because I'm not seeing anyone. And also because we are open to the possibility of dating multiple people, don't assume that it's a 24/7 orgy that everyone is invited to. Don't assume that my identity is all about sex. We are more complex with more depth. If your thought process can't go beyond sex then that's a personal ideal you shouldn't project on others.

I could give a laundry list of reasons why I'm not seeing anyone romantically right now. Or I could be and you'd never know because you're too busy letting your preconceived notions tell you what my sexual habits may or may not be because your narrowed sense of judgement won't allow you to ask realistic and non-offensive questions (bottom line it's no one's business but whateva...) I don't believe in explaining myself to anyone because my existence is just as valid as anyone else's but this rubbed me all types of wrong. Especially because I heard it from so many people that are close to me.

So now that we've cleared that up, any questions?